Americans are worried about narcissism. There have been numerous studies that show narcissism on the rise in young people over the past few years. And today, Utne Reader tweeted a pair of articles from their latest issue dealing with the issue of narcissism in the Millennial generation.
The trouble with citing a psychological disorder as a social epidemic is that it’s an attempt to square two types of analysis that are each notoriously difficult to determine and quantify in their own right. And that makes it even harder to write about them. The author whose work is reproduced in the Utne Reader, David Sirota, creates a timeline from the 1980s to the present that uses a series of social indicators as diverse as Nike ad campaigns and Glenn Beck to show that narcissism has been on the rise over the past three decades, culminating in a contemporary state of narcissistic emergency. But the proliferation of information sources, the disappearance of the “grand narrative,” and the emergence of pluralism, all of which have taken place on a global scale since the 1980s, make it difficult to track a single line of influence on a contemporary social trend with any credibility. This leaves his argument open to criticism–the counterpoint author, Claire Gordon, dismisses Sirota’s concern as “finger-wagging.”
All narrative difficulties aside, it’s clear that something must be going on–otherwise, people wouldn’t be writing about it, right? Not necessarily. Every generation has one existential crisis or another–a widespread human failing that threatens the downfall of civilization as we know it, and a challenge the headiest thinkers of the time rise to meet, pen in hand. In the nineteenth century it was philistinism–the discarding of the high and noble sentiments of art by those too shallow, materialistic, and stupid to appreciate them. In the eighteenth century, it was superstition–the willingness to accept truth-claims on faith, without any evidence to support them. And so on. Did these crises destroy civilization? No. Did these traits of human nature go away? No.
But were thinkers of the past just jumping on a popular bandwagon, or were these social issues real? The criticism of superstition in the eighteenth century led, in part, to the Enlightenment, which led, in part, to the French Revolution and other political movements that ultimately led, in part, to modern democracy. The criticism of philistinism in the nineteenth century contributed to the sociopolitical atmosphere of the day, which encouraged wealthy philanthropists to fund public institutions that support the arts and education. Many of them did–which is why places like the Carnegie-Mellon Institute and many public universities exist today. So were the social critics right after all? Probably–although it’s debatable whether the issues they wrote about were “crises” or simply annoying but perennial aspects of the human condition.
All of that aside, I have seen enough writing about narcissism over the past few years to suggest that there are a lot of people who are thinking a lot about it. That’s enough to suggest to me that there’s something there. But it’s helpful to consider a historical view here as well.
Back in 1996, in my freshman year of college, I took a fantastic sociology class in which we read a book I’ve quoted many times over the years: Habits of the Heart, by Robert Bellah et al. It is a cross-sectional, historical analysis of American society that attempts to make sense of the often dichotomous cultural narratives people employ in their social and political life. As it turns out, the “it’s all about me” narrative (rugged individualism) is just as old as the “we’re all in this together” narrative (communitarianism). Both philosophies pre-date the country, but each view has spawned social movements for the past 300 or so years–some considered progressive, some conservative.
It may be that our nation has been in a particularly rugged-individualist upswing for the past century. But so has the rest of the world, or at least the Western world. The rise of individualism is reflected in a lot of modern art and literature from the US and Europe, which features rugged individualists as protagonists. Andre Gide’s The Immoralist, published in 1902, features Michel, who becomes ill with tuberculosis. After he miraculously recovers, he experiences a “rebirth” in which he obsessively seeks his own physical and aesthetic pleasure, neglecting the needs of his wife Marceline, who eventually contracts tuberculosis herself (having cared for him during his illness) and dies. He justifies her death because, in his mind, he is strong but she was weak. In The Great Gatsby, published in 1925, Jay Gatsby’s grandiosity and sense of entitlement lead eventually to his downfall. Ayn Rand’s 1943 novel The Fountainhead features Howard Roark, a self-made man and architectural genius, who lashes out in increasingly violent ways against anyone he considers “beneath” him who dares to seek his support, respect, or love. Today, there are numerous examples of narcissists in today’s films and television–Michael Scott, Dr. Gregory House, Don Draper, Aldous Snow, and Dexter Morgan are a few well-known examples. There are also a handful of relatively recent biographies and works of historical fiction about famous narcissists and their equally famous meltdowns–the Marquis de Sade, Arthur Rimbaud, Napoleon, Howard Hughes, Truman Capote, Jim Morrison (okay, a VERY long list of rock stars). It’s never clear whether the authors of these works intend to celebrate these characters’ radical self-involvement in a “misunderstood genius vs. the world” structure or if they are simply trying to illustrate the way such selfishness damages people’s lives.
But does any of this mean we’re more narcissistic than ever, or that twentysomethings are more narcissistic than anyone has ever been? In my view, these aren’t questions worth answering. Even if the answer was “yes,” what would we do about it? Narcissism thrives both with and without the support of families, communities, business, and government. Psychologists say that true narcissism is one of the most difficult to understand and difficult to treat mental illnesses–it is a problem that lies outside of time and circumstance, as mysterious in nature as it is malignant.
There is one thing I know from personal experience–anti-intellectualism seems to spawn narcissistic attitudes. What do I mean by that? Many people I have gotten to know personally over the years–people I have been very close to–were highly intelligent children who were mercilessly bullied at school. In some cases, teachers condoned or even joined in the mistreatment. The worse the abuse, the more inward these individuals turned. From the way they tell it, they were victimized for being smart. A recent Minnesota report on bullying confirms such stories–and, even worse, points out that the state is turning a blind eye to the issue. So how did these individuals cope? Rather than see themselves in the cruel and belittling ways their schoolmates saw them, they constructed alternative identities for themselves as “misunderstood geniuses.” They devoured books and films about other “misunderstood geniuses” in history and fiction and compared themselves, and their struggles, to the stories’ protagonists–always framing the issue as them versus the world, genius versus stupidity, the sensitive intellectual versus the ham-handed plebes. They copped superior attitudes and became difficult to relate to–thus sparking a cycle of attack-and-retreat in personal relationships that made them increasingly bitter over time. The more friends and lovers they drove away, the more bitter and self-involved they became, and the more they inflated their images of themselves and belittled those around them. And so on. I’m not a professional psychologist or sociologist by any means–it’s just something I’ve observed over the past 15 years or so. As someone who was severely mistreated for a number of years in school myself, I’ve come dangerously close to the edge of bitterness and self-involvement many times. But I’ve always managed to pull myself back, with the help of my loved ones and a healthy reality check.
That’s why I’ve started thinking that maybe the best thing to do is to simply be aware of it–in our families, social circles, communities, and yes, in ourselves. I would venture to guess that we have all been betrayed by friends, lovers, and family members who crave admiration from others, including strangers, but who have no admiration for anyone else; who take whenever they can and give little or nothing in return; who routinely lie to and manipulate those they consider “weak” in order to get what they want; and who have discarded us when they have no further use for us. So I suggest that those who worry about narcissism’s presence in their lives do everything they can to discourage narcissistic behavior. If you have a friend who manipulates, toys with, and “uses up” lovers and sexual partners, don’t reward him or her with compliments about how “cool” they are. It isn’t cool–it’s sick. You might even consider whether or not said person is actually a friend–or if s/he is merely using you to maintain her/his idealized self-image. Does this “friend” do any of the following: Talk in grandiose terms about her/his activities and interests but belittle yours? Portray themselves as “saints” at every possible opportunity, despite your knowledge that s/he hardly lifts a finger to help anyone? Talk constantly about how brilliant/accomplished/well liked s/he is but downplay your achievements at every turn? Hurt or torment people or animals for no reason? If so, call him or her on it. Do you have a family member or lover who is more interested in how others perceive them than in how they treat you? Or who always makes huge demands on your time, energy, or resources–to a degree that takes a toll on you–but is either recalcitrant or offended every time you ask them for the tiniest favor? Or who is always talking about themselves but acts bored or disinterested whenever you tell them what you’re up to or how you feel? If so, confront them on these behaviors. These friends, lovers, and family members may not be narcissists, but they are certainly engaging in narcissistic behaviors. And now, take a long, hard look at yourself–do you engage in any of these behaviors? If so, stop doing them. Such actions wouldn’t take a blue-ribbon committee to implement, and they might actually make a difference in your life and in the lives of those around you–whether there’s a narcissism epidemic or not.
Photo credit: Bart van Damme, Flickr.com